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Past President Geri Warnke called the meeting to order and directed the defendant President Stan Hartman to be brought to the stage. As “Hail to the Chief” played, Stan was escorted by the beautiful Pauline Hill and Sheryl Bilbrey to his seat on a ratty office chair behind an old beat-up wooden desk on which sat a feebly shining shadeless lamp. Geri introduced Bert Wahlen, Master of Ceremonies, who noted that Stan has been concerned about the discovery of the “Henrietta Files” which disclosed that “Insurance Men are Premium Lovers”.
Bert summoned the Synchronized Precision Insurance Team aka “SPIT,” six black suited and black-hatted rogues played by Fred Baranowski. Rudi Brewster, Craig Evanco, G.T. Frost, Mort Jorgensen and Jerry Doran who combined marching skills with briefcases, money, contracts, the IRS and the SEC. Entering stage left, Nancy Scott playing “Muffy Upson” of the Upson- Downs, attended by Craig Blower as her butler Jeeves, complained about her treatment by Stan, an insurance Hipster Dufus in an expensive suit who took her money and left her with a valueless insurance policy.
Bert then introduced The Club 33 singers who sang “Yada, Yada, Yada” to the tune of ABBA’s “Money, Money, Money” followed by ”Try to Remember” while Pauline showed cue cards to help Stan's flagging memory. Next, Past President Pat Crowell presented “Stanford F. Hartman, Jr. – Is There Anyone Home?” Pat displayed many family pictures of Stan’s life and paired them with humorous Crowell-isms. Pat concluded with this sage advice, “You have done well. Just sit back with the troops, enjoy these moments of relaxation while basking in the feelings of dignity, love and respect surrounding you.”
Mark Trotter lampooned Stan’s gift giving to speakers of certificates, Rotary hats, books and “Four Way Test” medals. Mark’s first gift to Stan was a certificate for a gift made in his name to the State of California to help it work it’s way out of poverty. Then, Mark presented him with a wooden medal with former RI President Cliff Dochterman’s Three Way Test on it: Is It Fun?; Will It Hurt Anyone?; Will Anyone Find Out?. Next Mark gave him a hat that said “Insurance Men Are Premium Lovers”, noting that was a double entendre and that he would explain it to him later. The final gift was a book to help Stan overcome his codependency with Geri, his “Ex.”
After the Club 33 singers sang a special version of The Beatles’ “Help,“ Bert introduced Tammy Wynette (Geri Warnke) who made a spectacular entrance in a blonde wig, red dress and silver go-go boots. She wowed us all with her version of “’Stan’ By Your Man”. Our Club 33 Singers then gave us “Fifty Ways to Say It’s Over” to help Stan conclude his term. Geri gave Stan accolades about setting a fun atmosphere for the Club and the Board with persistent humor and respect for all. She then presented Stan with a little red wagon filled with numerous fine wines, a crystal decanter and four fine wine glasses. Stan responded with gracious and broad thanks to his large family present and to all the members of Rotary, emphasizing the role of the Board and all the committees. Special thanks were given to staff members Bruce, Margaret and the Fabulous One, our Pauline. Geri concluded the meeting to a standing ovation for the acquitted.
Editor: Hugh Carter
Photography: Paul Nestor and Mike Conner
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